Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
