So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
