the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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