nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
