I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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