I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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