So drunk its hurt
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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