how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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