I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
