Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
