we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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