Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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