Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
