Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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