I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
