hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
