I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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