i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
