Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
