All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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