I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
