Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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