i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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