I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I enjoy the company of your penis
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
