first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
