I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish I only lived at night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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