I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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