I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
