covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
