only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
