I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
