I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
