i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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