so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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