i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
