I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
