she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
