do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
