Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
