Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
