If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
