yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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