I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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