he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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