I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
