Nicole vs. Life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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