I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
