He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
