I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
