Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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